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An Adoptive Parent Writes:

My question has to do with adopting older children as opposed to infants or very young children. My husband and I are in our 50's so for that reason we are most interested in adopting a child age 10 or older. In our city, this is also the area of greatest need. I have read about the problems of transracial adoption but most of the information seems to focus on children who have not been exposed to their own culture at all. How does that change when an older child is involved? If we're going to do this, we want to do as good of a job as possible. We have four grown children, one of whom is adopted. I am also an adopted child myself. I feel I know some of the problems involved in adoption, but not much about how that will change with an African-American or Hispanic child. Any advice would be very much appreciated. We have just begun our classes to qualify but want to be as well informed as possible. Thank you so much for your help.

 

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John Raible Answers:

Adopting older children certainly poses its own challenges. A ten year old comes with his or her personality already intact and well-developed, and brings an entire history of events, in which you and your family had no part. It is important to find ways to honor that history (and the new personality) as it joins your family, rather than pretend your newly adopted child came out of a vacuum. For example, automatically changing the child's name may not be the best move at this late stage in life, especially with no input from the child. Involving the child in selecting a family name as a new middle name might be better than giving the child a new first name. One of my sons chose an African middle name, while my second son added a hyphen between his own last name and my family's last name.

Older children most likely know something about their cultural heritage, so teaching them "how to be" black or Latino is not as much of an issue as with children adopted at younger ages. Nevertheless, it will still be important to provide positive role models the child can relate to, particularly as they enter adolescence. They will need guidance from people who have experienced similar issues, when it comes to things like interracial dating, facing job discrimination, and getting ready to leave the nest for college, or making other plans.

Finally, your experience with adoption in your family already will stand you in good stead. Paying attention to adoption issues is just as important as attending to issues of race and culture. It's all so complicated and very rich. Good luck!

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