Ask the Experts!!

A Prospective Adoptive Parent Writes:

We live in a quiet middle class neighborhood that has people of all types of races. My husband and I are from different ethnic backgrounds. Our home has a mixed White and Japanese ethnicity, Christian and Buddhist culture, meat and vegetarian eating habits. We do not have children of our own and want to adopt. We are willing to make some changes in our lifestyle if that will benefit the child. What religion and eating habits the child wants to follow is his/her own choice.

One agent suggested that we either adopt a local Caucasian infant or an infant from Japan. But reading about adoption statistics, I find that there are a lot of school aged black boys who form the majority of kids waiting to be adopted and it is very difficult to find couples who want to adopt them. From the list given to us, we like some kids between ages seven and twelve. I think that whether the boy will like the new lifestyle depends on the individual personality of the child.

Is it a good idea in our case to adopt a black boy of this age group? My question is not about whether the boy will find any problems with the new ethnic, cultural, dietary lifestyle but whether it is the right thing to do, to expose the child to a diverse world just because he is put up for adoption. As adults, it was our choice to marry transculturally. But a young boy is not choosing this change but accepting this because he is in foster care and needs someone to adopt him.

 

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John Raible Answers:

In answer to your query about whether or not you should adopt a black boy who is already of school age, my response is that I cannot make the decision for you. I can only offer a few things to take into consideration that you may or may not have thought about yet.

As a parent who adopted two school-aged boys myself, I can tell you they come with a LOT of psycho-emotional baggage. This is not to discourage you from adopting, but only to prepare you for the enormous responsibility you are taking on. Fnding therapists who are aware of the adoption experience as a lifelong journey, as well as who are knowledgeable in child abuse/survivor issues and what ever other traumas the boy will likely have endured will be mandatory. For instance, if the child has been moved from foster home to foster home, each move results in another loss, with more feelings of powerlessness, sadness, and anger to deal with at various stage sin the boy's childhood, adolescence, and on into adulthood. Also, it will be helpful and important for the therapists you work with over the years to be familiar with African American culture, racism, and the special needs of interracial families.

It is likely also that the child will need inordinate amounts of support to deal with school, given that he will probably exhibit developmental delays and be behind academically and emotionally. Plan to become an advocate for your child day to day, week to week, year after year. Plan, too, to be met with resistance and unresponsive reactions from racist or misinformed school officials who will not feel the same sense of urgency that you will feel about meeting your child's learning needs. Many non-African American parents of African American children say that they never really knew what racism was until their black children entered the school system. Plan to look to African American parents for guidance and support. They have been dealing with institutional racism for years, and have many strategies you can learn from.

In short, get ready to immerse yourself in African American culture and social networks, and start thinking like a politically savvy, empowered black parent. The child's survival may depend on how well you rise to the occasion. Good Luck!

 

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Michelle Johnson Answers:

In addition to the wonderful words of wisdom John gave as a parent of older boys, I would simply add the following: In answer to your question about whether this is the right thing to do, that is not something anyone other than you and your husband can answer. As for the second piece of your question about exposing a child to a diverse world, well it certainly is that, and Black children face it the second they leave their homes. Adoption law and practice are based upon the fact that children are waiting, and more Black boys are available than other groups. After a year of being an adoption specialist at a predominantly Black agency I see on a daily basis the struggles our boys face in every aspect of life. To be very honest, from a sociological standpoint, a special issue you will face is the tenuous relationship Blacks and Asians have had in this country in recent years, as well as internationally. You must be aware of how this history will touch your family, whether you want it to or not. True, older children come with more significant issues based upon their longer stay in care. Emotions manifest themselves in behaviors, and for older children they can be more numerous. You do, however, have a greater opportunity to assess the impact of such a decision with older children. They can often be more vocal and employ greater reasoning and decision making, which will aid you in making the right decision. As all adoptions from foster care include a visitation period, truly utilize this time to begin to explore issues which may arise in your home if the child is placed with you. So in part, your child will be choosing you, which should ease your mind a bit if you decide to continue on this path to adoption.

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