Ask the Experts!!

A Prospective Adoptive Parent Writes:

My husband and I, both white, are interested in adopting a biracial baby. We got a letter from the agency placing the child requesting a statement from us and a statement from the social worker who did our homestudy as to whether we would be suited for a biracial baby and also would our community be suited to a biracial baby.

Here is the situation. We live in a small town that is 99.5% Caucasian. Our social worker is African American. We discussed this with her and she felt that there are all ranges of biracial. How would anybody know the difference? Well, I don't want the child to feel like we have to "hide" their heritage. But at the same time, I don't want to set the child up for any problems. We would appreciate some help with this situation as we want to do the right thing by this baby.

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Cathy Ring Answers:

I am Korean and I was adopted by caucasian parents in a predominantly caucasian community. Back when I was adopted, interracial adoption was not too common, and my parents received a lot of negative comments about adopting me...especially since they already had three other children of their "own".

What makes one family more suitable to adopt a biracial or interracial baby than another family? I do not think where you live or what people around you look like should have any factor in whether or not you are "suitable" to adopt a biracial baby. You would be doing a great deal of harm if you hid the child's heritage. I think you need to be prepared for raising a child that is not the mirror image of everyone else around them. You cannot shield your child from possible problems that may arise...nor can you prevent them. But this should not be a determining factor on whether or not you adopt this child.

Yes, there will be issues. Yes, there may be prejudice or racism. Yes, there may be things you may not know how to deal with or even understand. There was a great deal that my parents did not realize or know how to handle as I was growing up. There was a lot they did not realize that I would experience being a minority in a white community.

I think you should be prepared when this child starts to wonder who he is and where he came from. I think if you can find a support group to get involved with, with children who may look like your child or understand how your child may feel, you would help this child and yourselves.

The biggest advice I have is to not hide the fact that your child is biracial. You do not want your child to grow up resenting who he is or what he looks like. And do not be worried that because you are caucasian and your community is caucasian that your child cannot learn to be proud of who he is.

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Michelle Johnson Answers:

I would begin by asking your social worker for clarification about what she meant by "all ranges of biracial." She could have been talking about outward appearance (characteristics and complexion), to ethnic identity issues. Clarification from her on this point is crucial, and may also further indicate her thoughts and feelings on this issue in your case.

As you may well know, while the literature and popular culture still uses the term biracial, most of us adults prefer bi-ethnic, acknowledging that there is one human race with immense ethnic diversity.

You must acknowledge now that beyond the basic problems any child has in the transition to adulthood, any bi-ethnic child you adopt will face many more obstacles. General adoption issues, issues of having dual heritages in one personality, as well as racism, which is alive and well in American culture and must be confronted on a regular, if not daily basis. Recognize that small towns are often more parochial on this issue, and that since it lacks diversity, these issues will be compounded. You and your spouse's perception of this community might also change, so be prepared.

At the very least, find ways to get your child with people who look like him/her on a regular basis, and admit that you don't have answers for racial prejudice which you have never experienced yourself. My parents lived in a predominately European American suburb, where my brother and I were often the only brown faces (school, parks, the local pool). To combat feelings of isolation, our whole family (including their three biological children) began attending an inner city, predominately African American church where we had friends and older role models.

My parents realized that we were now a multicultural family, and while moving was not an option for them, they had to incorporate this new and diverse identity in the best way they could, our spirituality. Find similar expressions to illustrate this acceptance to your child.

You're correct in not contemplating hiding your child's heritage. It is dishonest and ultimately damaging to healthy self esteem. Begin to think about how you can counter negative images by finding creative ways to celebrate, in every sense, your child's heritage, which will also be a piece of your family's new identity.

Best of luck as you proceed through the adoption process.

Michelle

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