Back to Ask the Experts Page Back to NYSCCC Home PageA Prospective Adoptive Parent Wrties:
My husband and i are thinking of adopting from Haiti. We are both caucasian and have one birth child who is 2 years old. We live in a predominantly white town, and we are seriously struggling with the decision of whether to adopt one or two kids from Haiti. We have been told by a few people that it's much better for the adopted kids of color to not be the only one in the family, and my husband feels that it's the only way we should adopt. i can see how it would be better for the kids, but i am very concerned about us having three kids, as we both work (and i'm starting a new, albeit part-time, job) and tend to be busy and often a little stressed just with the responsibilities of life with one 2 year-old.
I'm worried that the extra responsibilities and stress/chaos of having three kids, not to mention the challenges of transracial adoption, may outweigh the benefits of the adopted kids having a sibling of color to normalize their experience in the family/community. We have come to somewhat of a standstill on this issue, losing sleep, considering not adopting at all, if we can't come to terms with this, so we would really appreciate any guidance or advice you can offer on this question.
John Raible Answers:
It sounds like your dilemma is not really about transracial adoption, but rather about whether to adopt at all. If you were asking about whether to adopt from Haiti, for instance, I would have a lot to say. Best to sort out your ambivalence about adding to your family at this time. From what you wrote, it sounds like you and your husband have a lot to talk with each other about, before you take in another child.
A PROSPECTIVE ADOPTIVE PARENT'S RESPONSE :
We've hashed it out together and talked to others and pretty much answered our question about whether it's hugely beneficial for adopted kids of color in a white family to be adopted with at least one other child of color. We decided yes it is, so we're planning to adopt two together. And now, if you're willing, we'd love to hear your opinion on adopting from Haiti. We were shocked to hear how many thousands of kids are waiting to be adopted and even to get into orphanages in Haiti while there are waiting parents in most other countries that deal in international adoption. Thanks for your feedback.
John Raible'S RESPONSE:
If you are still thinking of adopting from Haiti, here are some questions you might want to ask yourselves:
1. How many Haitian families do we know already?
2. How many African or African American families do we know and socialize with on a regular basis?
3. How will we expose our children to Haitian adults who look like them and who share their cultural and racial background?
4. Do we have the resources for future visits to and from Haiti to stay connected to our children's birth families and extended families?
5. Do we speak Haitian Creole?
6. What is our position on the transracial adoption controversy, especially on white parents adopting black children?
7. Are we prepared to defend our decision to others who will question our motivations and our decision to adopt black children?
8. Are we comfortable and prepared for taking anti-racist actions regularly?
9. Have we educated ourselves about African diasporic cultures (including Haitian, African American, and Afro-Caribbean)?
10. Are we prepared to be viewed by some as our town's quote unquote nigger lovers?
11. If you were surprised by number 10 or thought it was too harsh, you are not ready!
12. How have we worked through our own internalized racism towards people of African descent?
13. Do we know how to care for black hair the way African American parents do?
14. Have we experienced living in the minority for any length of time?
15. In ten short years or so, will we be prepared to teach our teenaged Haitian children how to deal with racism from police, store clerks, security guards, parents of girls and boys they might want to date, school staff, and employers who may not want to hire them?
16. Have we educated ourselves about adoption issues and the grieving process that can take decades to address?
17. Are we prepared to deal with complex issues of race, cultural differences, and adoption?
18. Are we resilient and strong in our resolve to address racism for the rest of our lives and to work tirelessly as allies to our children and other people of color?
19. Have we transracialized our lives already?
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10/24/2006