Back to Ask the Experts Page Back to NYSCCC Home PageAn adoptive parent writes:
I am thrilled to have found your website. I am of European heritage and my husband is of Chinese heritage. Our three children are adopted from china (2, 5 and 7) Recently we have been discussing adding another child to the family and I have been drawn to Ethiopia. Our community is primarily Caucasian, Asian, and Middle Eastern. What would you recommend we think about and/or plan before making this decision? Thank you!
John Raible Answers:
As requested, here are a few questions to ask yourself and to think about: Will your black-looking Ethiopian child be the only one who looks like him/her in school, or will there be other Ethiopians, Africans, and African Americans in his/her specific class and grade? Does where you live now provide adults of color in positions of authority and others who can serve as role models for an African child (teachers, principals, doctors, dentists, lawyers, babysitters, barbers and hair stylists, etc.)?
Do you as parents now feel ready and skilled enough to prepare him/her for the racism he/she will surely encounter as a black person in a still racist society? Do you accept and acknowledge that racism is often quite different for people of African descent than for, say, Asians and other people of color? Can you articulate some of these important differences?
Do you know any adult Ethiopians and other immigrants from Africa? Have you talked to them about their experiences figuring out the racial landscape of their new country? If you do not know any African immigrants or African Americans, why not? Where will you go to find families to befriend and incorporate into your lives?
Are you willing to make a commitment to learning about Ethiopian culture and to finding adults of African heritage, as well as African American heritage, to become part of your friendship circle? Are you prepared to teach your child about proper and culturally appropriate care of and styles for black hair, in order to make him/her feel like he/she fits in with other kids like him/her? Are you open to traveling to Ethiopia repeatedly as your child matures? Will you support him or her in a search for birth family members if and when that becomes important to him/her? Are you aware that many so-called orphans from overseas actually have living parents and other extended family members who can become part of your family if you let that happen?
Have you watched the film "Struggle For Identity" yet? Have you reflected on your being drawn to Ethiopia? What will you tell your child at, say, age 15 or 27 about why you brought him to another country and as the only Afican kid in the family? Or do you plan to adopt more than one Ethiopian? Is your attraction to Ethiopia a way to avoid the unpleasant topic of transracial adoption of black children from the USA?
Are you actively involved already in anti-racism efforts in your community? Have you thought about future conversations with your child, as well as with strangers and family, about the idea of "rescuing" needy children from developing countries? Are your expectations realistic, for example, about gratitude you may seek from your child, or acceptance from people of African descent who will have their own feelings about your decision to adopt one of "their" children?
I hope this food for thought is what you were looking for. Good luck in your self-reflection activities! They are an important step in the right direction.
Update 2/10/2006
Michelle Johnson's answer:
In addition to John's excellent and thorough suggestions, I would add the following: Are you aware of the complicated history between Chinese and African cultures around the world? If not, begin reading and asking your Asian friends about this. You also need to assess the readiness of families and friends to accept an Ethiopian child.
My apartment mate in graduate school and dear friend to this day is from Hong Kong. We were slightly disheartened (not surprised) that some friends on both sides of our communities of origin were suspicious of our decision to room together. (Until they met me, her family had concerns because their images of American Blacks were straight from television and very stereotypical and negative).
We moved in together the summer of 1992, four months after the April 29th Los Angeles riots following the Rodney King verdict. There were news stories of Black and Chicano/Latino youth looting stores, many owned by Asian and Asian Americans. This was neither the first or last such incident, and feelings of distrust remain for some people.
Beyond this, there is the "Asians as model minorities" perception, where people of color are placed in competition, in a hierarchy. New issues have arisen in terms of Southeast Asians moving into formerly Black neighborhoods in the inner city and the challenges this brings to everyone.
Once again, do not be fooled into thinking that because a new child or children are Ethiopian, their African birth can spare them these and other possible complications in the Asian community. Visually, this child will be Black, and people see and react first and ask questions later.
Your children will be affected by those who hold these prejudices. They will be treated differently based upon societal perceptions, and you need to prepare for this. Your Asian children will be expected to excel in school, especially math and science. An Ethiopian child may not be, if teachers are biased. This new child may be picked first for sports or music. It doesn't matter if your children don't have talents or interests in these areas, it is just what people have been mis-educated to assume.
Going back to April 29th for a minute, the image that still stands out in my head is a sign in an Asian shop window that said, "I'm a minority too!" This person was smart enough to understand the rage that was directed at a racist and unjust judicial decision, and his or her best bet was to separate from that, as they were not responsible. I do believe at the time of the news report, the store had gone untouched, so common sense prevailed in the midst of anger and destruction in that instance. That kind of cultural competency and intuition is necessary in all cross-cultural placements.
Parents then need to take cautious measures every day to prepare their children, and extreme measures at times to protect them (understanding this is not always possible). Your husband knows better how to advocate for your current children because he shares their heritage.
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02/10/06