Back to Ask the Experts Page | Back to NYSCCC Home PageA prospective parent writes:
We are putting considerable thought into issues in transracial adoption as we move forward on our adoption of children from China. One of our first parental decisions will be to name the baby entrusted to our care. Unfortunately, babies in China usually have only a name given to them by the orphanage staff, or perhaps a note left by the birthmother. But, I would not imagine they ever know the baby's family name since it would lead to the arrest/fine/punishment of the birthparents. We will keep whatever name she has, beit from the birthmother or parent, as her middle name (which she may later choose to use as a first name).
Our question for you is about changing our family name. Our thought is to keep name we have now, and pass it to our children, like most families - symbolizing them becoming part of a larger family. But, we are also considering adding a Chinese name (one that has meaning to us), resulting in a hyphenated last/family name. Our purpose in doing this would be, in part, to symbolize our "old" and "new" families, and our commitment to incorporating our cultures.
We know there are many opinions about naming, even without cross-cultural considerations. Although we have been married for some time, I did not take my husband's name until we became serious about international transracial adoption. We could have given our children one or the other of our last names, but I went through with the change because of my need to have a symbol of one family. But, lately we've been wondering if that is enough. Maybe our children would like a family name that reflects their dual cultural heritage. Maybe we, as parents, need to take this first step embracing their ethnic heritage within our family.
There is obviously no way of knowing what would be best for our children. The best we can do is turn to you for your opinions based on your own experiences.
John Raible answers:
Naming is an important consideration, and it is wonderful that you are thinking deeply about the long term implications of how you name yourselves and your China-born child.
I think you are wise to take into consideration Chinese naming practices. Because I am not familiar with them, I would suggest that you talk to Chinese and Chinese-Americann parents. How are names thought about in the Chinese community? What have other parents of first-, second -and third-generation children done to reflect their children's Chinese heritage? It may be more important for your children to have names in keeping with what other Chinese families in this country do, than in somewhat arbitrary "custom" the two of you make up, however well intended.
Good luck! I will be curious to learn what you decide to do!
Michelle Johnson Answers:
In addition to the wonderful advice given by John, I would add conversations with parents who have already adopted from China, and their children. While kids adopted from China are not yet adults, as the practice is newer, there are now some older children who most certainly have opinions.
Attend an adoptive support group in your area, or online discussion group with parents who have Chinese children which is often an option through your adoption agency. Also, discuss this with your worker, or more importantly, the Chinese contingent involved in your adoption. Whatever decision you make, that you have taken the time to explore options will mean a lot to your children as they mature into adulthood.
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08/13/03