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A parent writes:
My husband and I are European American, our first adopted daughter is Russian American and our second is Mexican American. We have hopes of adopting an African American child.
Our neighborhood includes families of African, Asian and European descent, as does our older daughter's school. We plan to send all of our children to that school. We attend a church that is primarily European American but has several older members in prominant positions and a few young interracial married couples. Our social group is primarily composed of adoptive families the majority of whom are transracial and/or transcultural. The only problem is that all the parents in our social group are European American.
Do you think that will be an significant issue if all of Mommy and Daddy's friends are white? We open this question up to anyone who wants to reply. Thank you.
Michelle Johnson replies:
It is certainly an issue if you and your husband do not have any friends of non-European origin. It sends a mixed message to your children; that you have a different set of standards for family and friends. Your home is filled with rich cultures from the inside. It is your responsibility to fill it with the same tapestry of human beings from the outside, in the form of diverse adults your children can interact with. Parents often forget that they begin the social education of their children. Having friends from other cultures, while sometimes difficult, is certainly a choice. Your child will notice that while they have diverse friends, you do not, and at some point ask that all too familiar question "Why?" What will you say to them?
One of the major concerns ethnic communities have when children are adopted cross culturally is that the children lose a true and deep sense of their birth culture. It is your job to make sure they retain this, by reinforcing that culture through books, foods, rituals, and most importantly, people. You must give your children role models. There will be times your children will not feel comfortable bringing issues of racism and cross cultural confusion to you, as you have no experience with these issues. Having close friends of yours to turn to will be invaluable. Make a concerted effort to get to know your neighbors and others you meet in different settings. Find social events and groups of African, Russian and Mexican origin, whether it be a reading group, or the arts, to name a few. Channel your children's special interests and talents in culturally diverse directions as well. Create family rituals which acknowledge and honor your child's birth culture, whether they be cultural holidays or something more creative of your own making.
My parents realized at an early age that they were raising African American children, and that they did not have all the answers. It was a courageous thing to admit this and make changes in their lives. While they had colleagues at work who were diverse, this was not the case in terms of social interaction. As we are a spiritual family, they chose the church as our (all my siblings, three biological to them and my younger African American brother) entry into the African American community. It provided the whole family an opportunity to interact with my birth community, often beyond Sunday worship. It was in this setting that I gained a god-brother, came to know and love strong Black women, and began to shape my own solid identity through the voices and stories of these incredible human beings. That my entire family was with me throughout this process of self-discovery made it all the more precious to me.
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