Ask the Experts!
Send us your question about transracial or transcultural adoption or foster care, and one of our experts on transracial adoption will give you an answer. All questions and answers will be posted to this website, without using your name. Click here to submit a question.
Meet Our Experts:
Michelle Johnson, MSW
is an African American adult adoptee raised by white parents. Her Masters' thesis at the University of Minnesota was on Transracial Adoption. During her doctoral studies at Syracuse University, she worked as an adoption specialist. She was formerly employed by the North American Council on Adoptable Children (NACAC) as the Recruitment Project Manager and co-trainer of the Transracial Parenting Project curriculum.
John Raible
is a biracial African American adoptee raised by white parents. He is the father of two grown African American sons adopted from foster care, and the grandfather of biracial children. Dr. Raible works as an Assistant Professor at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln in the College of Education & Human Sciences. As an educational researcher, he studies race, identity, and family diversity with a special focus on the development of what he calls transracialized white identities.
For articles by John Raible see:
An Open Letter to Parents of Mature Transracial Adoptees, The Significance of Racial Identity in Transracially Adopted Young Adults, What is Transracialization and How Do I Get Started?and The Lifelong Impact of Transracial Adoption: Learning From Adoptees and Their Non-Adopted Siblings
An Adoptive Parent Writes:
We are adopting a child from Ethiopia. Our question is: How and when do we explain racism to our child? What words should we use?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
An Adoptive Parent Writes:
My wife and I have adopted a 15 and a half year old son. His biological mother is white, his biological father is Hispanic . . . How do we help our son work through being tri-racial? He has all three cultures in his life and wants something from each . . . How can I help him see the beauty in his unique heritage while rejecting those things that might destroy him?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
An Adoptive Parent Writes:
My husband and I adopted our daughter 4 yrs ago. I am Filipino-Irish, my husband is Caucasian, and our daughter is African American . . . We have an open adoption and see her birth mom and her family a few times a year, living only 45 minutes away . . . We believe that the access to her bio family is the BEST thing we can provide for her with regard to her heritage . . . Last night she threw me for a loop when she told me, "I'm different than the other kids." . . . she said, "My skin is brown." I told her what a beautiful brown color it was, and then she told me that she wanted her skin to be white . . .Any nuggets of wisdom for us? . . .
Read More & The Experts' Replies
An Adoptive Parent Writes:
I am a single white mother with an African American son who I adopted at birth and who is now 7. We are currently looking for a new home . . . This weekend I fell in love with a little house in the suburbs. It's got everything I'm looking for as the mother of an athletic little boy who loves the outdoors . . . I guess my question is -- does this community sound like it would a workable match for our family -- or should I keep looking? How do I figure out how to prioritize between his need to be connected to his community of birth, and his other needs . . .
Read More & The Experts' Replies
An Adoptive Parent Writes:
My husband and I are the white parents of 3 kids; two of them were adopted and have special needs . . . My youngest son’s birthmother is biracial but he is fairly dark skinned and curly haired . . . We have often talked about his feelings around adoption and being a black child in a predominantly white family but he always stated that it wasn’t a problem for him . . . Last night after a counseling session he told me he hates me and his father for adopting him because we are white . . . I am so afraid he will harm himself. Do you have any suggestions on how I can help him? Are there any moderated online support groups for cross culturally adopted youth that you know of?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A transracial adoptee writes:
I'm a 20 year old female and a child of transracial fostering. I was placed with a white family permanently from the age of 1-1/2 after previously staying with them while my birth mother returned to Africa . . . The problem I am having is the coping mechanisms I use to deal with my situation are not working, and I am increasingly finding it harder to deal with my situation . . .
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A reader writes:
I'm a biracial person (half Caucasian and half Asian) who looks very Asian. I identify more with being an Asian American and consider myself a person of color. Some families who are White and adopted transracially have been calling themselves Asian American families and/or Families of Color . . .
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A prospective adoptive parent writes:
My partner and I are a "professional" white and Jewish queer female couple . . .We love the idea of having a multicultural family, but we want what's in the best interest of our (future) child . . .
Read More & The Experts' Replies
An adoptive parent writes:
My husband and I adopted our son from Peru when he was 7 weeks old. He is now 17 . . . My son seems to have rejected many things that our family values. His anger and depression (?) are tearing us apart. I fear for his safety and worry that he will never be content. We worry that his actions are a way to assert that he is not "white." Can you offer any hope? Any suggestions?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A foster parent writes:
We are foster parents to a biraical baby boy (African American and Caucasian) We live in a fairly diverse community. We are fortunate that our birth children have been around a variety of cultures-in their preschool and their playgroup especially . . . my husband and I were quite shocked when our five year old stated that he wished the baby was "a different color" when he came to stay with us . . .
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A prospective adoptive parent writes:
My husband and I are of European descent . . . and are beginning the process of adopting one or more children with African-American heritage. We both grew up in racially mixed communities . . . My husband was born in Ghana, and . . . went to boarding school in the UK, and there were many African children at the school.
Do you have any suggestions . . .
Read More & The Experts' Replies
An adoptive parent writes:
I am thrilled to have found your website.
I am of European heritage and my husband is of Chinese heritage. Our three children are adopted from china (2, 5 and 7) Recently we have been discussing adding another child to the family and I have been drawn to Ethiopia. Our community is primarily Caucasian, Asian, and Middle Eastern. What would you recommend we think about and/or plan before making this decision? Thank you!
Read More & The Experts' Replies
An adoptive parent writes:
A prospective adoptive parent writes:My husband and I have adopted four fantastic kids out of foster care . . . This question may appear to be snobbish or self centered, but I'm going to ask it anyway.
My husband and I are both well educated and from middle/upper class Caucasian families. While we don't cram it down their throats, we do try to embrace each child's race(s) as much as possible . . . However, the Y has a very small number of African American familes who attend, and our homeschool group has none.
Finally, my question: How do you recommend we meet families of African American descent that will be at the same socio-economic level as our own? . . .
Read More & The Experts' Replies
My husband and I (both European descent ) have two biological children . . . We are very seriously considering adopting one or more children . . . We move frequently, and will continue to do so for many years. Becuase of this, the ethnic make-up of our surroundings is ever-changing! I see this as a benefit, but after reading every question/answer on here, I am wondering how we will ensure that our adopted children will have the network of support that they need!
Do you think that we are getting in over our heads; without being able to have deep roots in one community, is it possible for our adopted children to be well adjusted & comfortable with their identity?
I really appreciate all that I have read here; what a great resource this is! Thank you!
Read More & The Experts' Replies
An adoptive parent writes:
I am the mother of two teenagers, 17 and 16, adopted as infants from Peru . . . When the kids were young children, we went to quite a few events and meetings of groups of parents of South American and Central American adoptees. We got a very strong message from both children that this was of no interest to them . . . Since it seemed like the "ethnic events" benefitted us more than them, and they'd rather stay home, we stopped going.
Fast forward 10 or so years. My daughter, almost 16 now, has been unhappy for several years. It has finally surfaced that she feels separated from her culture of origin . . . I would particularly like to find a way for her to be more in touch with her heritage.
Your website is a fantastic find. It was listed right at the top when I did a Google Search on "white parents children of color". Thanks so much for the fabulous resources.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
An adoptive parent writes:
I am a single white mother of an adopted African American six-year-old boy. I am very committed to his taking full possession of his cultural heritage and growing up to be a strong, secure man . . . Here's my issue; . . . he saw a poster of a rapper wearing a do-rag . . . Now Oscar wants one . . . I don't want to make my little son feel that I'm rejecting black culture . . . I don't see other little boys wearing those rags, but maybe, because exploring his identity is trickier for Oscar, I should let him have one . . . Your thoughts would be most appreciated.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A parent of biracial children writes:
I am a single mother of two beautiful biracial children. I am white, and their father is black. The oldest son is dark with dark hair and eyes, while the youngest one's skin tone is the same as mine (white). He also has blue eyes and a blonde fro. I have not yet cut his hair and he is now 2. It is very curly and long. However I am afraid that when I do cut it, his hair will form a different texture. I need to know what I should do to his hair. Have any ideas? Thank you so much for your help.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
An adoptive parent writes:
I have three daughters, one bio and two adopted. I am white. Two of my daughters are biracial and one is Black, adopted from Haiti. I am raising my daughters to understand and value their origins, but to identify with/as Black Americans . . . I just believe it is better for her to form her group identity as a Black American, rather than a Haitian American.
What are your thoughts about this?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A prospective adoptive parent writes:
We are a white, gay male couple. We live in Los Angeles, but in a pretty white neighborhood. We have many gay friends who have created families through adoption. We do not have any friends of color, not by choice, it's just how it turned out. We are very open to the idea of a transracial adoption, but we are concerned that the combination of having two dads layered on top of racial identity issues would be a lot to ask of a child.
What are your thoughts on same-sex/transracial adoptions?
Thanks for your great site. I am one of the many who "stumbled" onto it and truly appreciate all the information.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A concerned relative writes:
I'm happy to have found your webpage and I'm hoping you can give me some advice or resources.
I am biracial, my mom is white and my father is black . . . I worked through my issues with identity. I now feel very clear about who I am and what it means to be both biracial (where my people come from) and black (how I am perceived) . . . My in-laws have three biological children, my husband being the youngest, and four adopted kids. [Jerome], the youngest, is 15 and biracial. His bio-mom is black and his bio-dad is white . . . Jerome seeks me out to talk with about race, and . . . It's becoming clear to me that he really needs something that I can't give him . . . His parents are white liberal hippies and . . . They're open to change and I think are thankful that [Jerome] has me to talk to . . . I'd really like to provide them with some resources, for them and for Jerome. This is where I'm hoping you can help.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A prospective adoptive parent writes:
A prospective adoptive parent writes:My wife and I have started the adoption process through [agency]. My wife is white, and I am half Hispanic and half white . . . My question is what is wrong with just being American? Mistakes have been made in our history, and we should learn from those mistakes so that they are not repeated.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A prospective adoptive parent writes:We are new (white) foster parents who plan to adopt our new black foster daughter. She is almost five . . . I struggle with how to expose her to black role models . . . Will my daughter benefit from arranged friendships that expose her to other children similar to her, or will she be better off with us (as a family) sending her a consistent message that race is just one part of what defines a person? . . . I have one very big fear and that is her pressing me for information about her biological family . . . I know she is very young and in time she will stop talking about it. . . It feels sort of sickening to lie to this little babe who has been so let down by the adult world . . . What do I say? . . .
P.S. I think society IS becoming more tolerant of transracial families . . .
Read More & The Experts' Replies
We are a Caucasian couple who have begun the adoption process here in New Zealand. I have my heart set on adopting from South Africa, two boys of Zulu heritage.
New Zealand has its multi-cultural cities, but we are dairy farmers in a predominately bicultural area (Maori and Caucasian) . . . I will be in South Africa for at least three months of each year, and my sons would be fully immersed in their county of origin and race during those visits. I also wish to learn Zulu fluently and will converse with my sons bilingually . . . However I was wanting to know from an expert what your opinion is on this circumstance, or if you can see any issues that may arise that I may not have considered . . .
Read More & The Experts' Replies
An adoptive parent writes:
A prospective adoptive parent writes:My partner and I recently adopted a beautiful little girl . . . He is mixed race and I am caucasian (though to the outside world, he looks caucasian) . . . Our daughter will be raised by two fathers who look seemingly white. We are also raising her Jewish, since that is my heritage and is the religious community where we are accepted. Is this too much to ask of our daughter? . . . Any advice you can give us would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A prospective adoptive parent writes:My husband and I are interested in adopting an African-American child domestically. We are both caucasion and have a four year old biological daughter. We had been leaning towards adopting a bi-racial child, in the hopes that they would be able to identify with us on some level ("my birth mother / father is white") . . . Do you have any advice about possible differences between raising a bi-racial vs. African-American child? Thank you so much for your help!
Read More & The Experts' Replies
An adoptive parent writes:My wife and I are working with an agency that encourages transracial adoption but our preference is to adopt within our own race. We are both Caucasian and are interested in adopting a Caucasian baby . . . we truly believe that a child is best raised within his/her own race . . .
My question is this. Do you think our desire to adopt within our own race is an indication of prejudice, ignorance and shortsightedness or do you think this is how most of the world would react? . . . This may seem even more prejudicial if one were willing to accept a Hispanic or Asian child but not a black one but it seems like the social issues would be much bigger for the black child/white parent?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
I am a Caucasian single mother of a Black/Haitian 9 year old daughter . . . She had been abandoned when she was 10 months old and had 3 other sudden changes to her living conditions prior to her coming to Canada . . . While our community is multi-racial the biggest groups are Caucasian, Chinese and East Indian. We attend a play group of other children of African heritage . . . She keeps saying she does not want to go, but I make her as I feel it is important to have adult role models as well as see other children in the same family type as hers.
Lucy has difficulty with any kind of change and takes a long time to adjust to even small changes. I have considered adopting a sister for her as I feel this may help her see that she is not alone. She does have one African/Canadian friend but her closest friends are East Indian/Canadian and Chinese/Canadian and European/Canadian...Any advice?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
An adoptive parent writes:
My husband and I are the adoptive parents to 9 children, and six of them are African American. My husband grew up in the United States (white suburbs), I grew up all over Africa. (missionary parents). My question is this...Please give me concrete suggestions on how to integrate the African American culture into my children's lives in a natural way that will not feel contrived or forced to them.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A prospective adoptive parent writes:
An adoptive parent writes:My husband and I are both white and live in the Caribbean . . . Perhaps I am injecting something I shouldn't, but I feel some of the future (white) parents on this board need to realize how important hair is to many of the children, teenagers, and adults I have been friends with . . .
While living here, I have had the opportunity of volunteering at the orphanage . . . These children watch our American television obsessively . . . Many resent how they look, where they live, everything about themselves . . . I am wondering if African children and adolescents living in a world where they perceive white people with all the power and money inherently question their value as a person of ethnic diversity, regardless of adoption? Perhaps it is this island of extreme poverty that causes this situation. What are your thoughts on this? . . .
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A reader writes:My husband and I are white parents with two biological children and four (soon to be six) adopted black children. We live in a decent, lower middle-class suburban area, and up until now have had no problems with our kids' schools.
Our middle two children (a boy and a girl) are age 7 and currently in the second grade . . . We are finding that his teachers seem to have much lower expectations for him simply because they first knew him as our foster son and know some of his history . . . At this point, I feel like I've given it a good shot, but I can teach my children better while providing them with the nurturing they need for emotional growth if I home school them. My only concern is that they are already different because we're a multi-racial family, and I worry that this will be yet another thing to "defend" to others . . . but I would appreciate your opinion on this.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
I have a question...what do you think about black and white children in a custody battle and the white parent wins because the child is very light skinned and can pass for white ? There's more, but this is the question I need an answer for.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A reader writes:
A prospective adoptive parent writes:. . . I am interested in knowing if biracial children who would be considered "passing," . . . have more or less problems feeling comfortable being a part of white families. I am curious because I have an acquaintance who is in this situation . . . Can you suggest some articles or books that relate to this issue?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
An adoptive parent writes:My wife and I are an interracial couple:I am Jewish-American and she is from Colombia. We plan on having children biologically, but would also like to adopt. However, the question of race is difficult in this respect . . . Seeing as there are many children in Colombia who have been abandoned due to grinding poverty and a raging civil war, we would like to adopt from there. However, I worry about how our children may be labeled and how we should teach them to label themselves . . . Any advice on how to tackle such an issue?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A prospective adoptive parent writes:My husband and I are white, and have two adopted sons who are African American. Both of the boys have been with us since infancy, and they are biological siblings . . . Mr. Raible and Ms. Johnson, thank you . . . After we adopted our children (from foster care), I felt like we were just left hanging in mid-air. There was no active post-adoption support regarding transracial adoption issues. At first we were living in a dream world of "love will conquer all," but I have since learned (thanks to people like you) that that isn't necessarily the case . . . If we do move and eventually enroll our sons in schools with a majority of black children, do you think they would have a hard time being accepted by the black kids because they have white parents?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
My question has to do with adopting older children . . . My husband and I are in our 50's so for that reason we are most interested in adopting a child age 10 or older . . . I have read about the problems of transracial adoption but most of the information seems to focus on children who have not been exposed to their own culture at all. How does that change when an older child is involved? . . . Any advice would be very much appreciated. We have just begun our classes to qualify but want to be as well informed as possible. Thank you so much for your help.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
An adoptive parent writes:
A prospective adoptive parent writes:First, I am thrilled to have "stumbled" upon this website and am eagerly awaiting a reply. We have four children who joined our family by adoption, all at birth . . . Now, our 4 yr. old daughter is attending the preschool program in the same school where her sister is in 6th grade . . . I have begun to think more and more about how she may feel being one of a very few African-American students in her school . . . What's more important, that she has a racially diverse school and not the best education or atmosphere, or that she is in a school that matches our values and has a much better academic curriculum? . . .
My second question regards our youngest daughter . . . if we raise her with the knowledge that she is part African-American and she is not, what does that do to her sense of identity? Especially when society will view her as "white" and we are telling her she is African-American and European-American. Our only option seems to be to tell her that we honestly don't know ? which just doesn't seem good enough. Any thoughts?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
An adoptive parent writes:My husband and I will be adopting from Haiti. We plan to incorporate his/her Haitian, French and African culture into her life and educate him on all aspects of his heritage. Because we are white, my family live in another country (they are mixed racially) and my husband's family are white, how do we become involved with the Black community? I have neighbors that are African American, and we say the usual neighborly "Hi," but nothing else. Any advice, guidance, recommendations will be greatly appreciated.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A prospective adoptive and foster parent writes:We are a Caucasian family . . . Our daughter is of African-American heritage. We feel that the time is coming soon that she will begin to notice her physical differences and feel that this is also an appropriate age to begin to introduce her to the knowledge she joined our family through adoption.
Although we have bought all the "right" children's books, read all the articles, etc. , we would like to hear from someone who has actually been in our daughter's shoes. What do we do or say to make her feel proud of both being adopted and of a multicultural heritage beginning at such a young age? . . .
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A parent writes:I would like to know whether for an African-American child growing up in a white family--even if surrounded by other African American people--race would become THE issue, THE main source of identity. Do you think this is frequent?...
I am Eastern-European, married to a white American. We have foster children of all races, and are open to adopt the one that might need us. Since we have one African-American child right now, I would like to know more about how to help him find his identity within, and also beyond, race . . .
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A prospective adoptive parent writes:My husband and I are parents to a wonderful 13 year old young man who we adopted at birth . . . Over the weekend he said he felt "abandoned" by his birth mother and struggles with rejection. I was so relieved that he finally was able to identify his emotions and that he felt comfortable to express them to both his dad and me. My question is where do we go from here? . . .
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A parent writes:My husband and I are considering adopting an African American infant . . . My last name is clearly Jewish and unique to my family, and his is not . . . We had agreed long ago to give our children my last name, for a variety of reasons, but now I . . . wonder how much you think the name matters . . .
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A parent writes:I am an adoptive parent of 8 school age kids who are racially diverse and have special needs. For years we have been considering a major move back to the east coast and now seems to be the right time. However, we must do mounds of homework so this is the right move for our family. We are considering an area in a rural region of upstate New York . The school is small and can serve special needs. It is not racially diverse but accepting, I'm told. We are looking for feedback or just opinions as to whether this would be good for our family.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A prospective adoptive parent writes:My husband and I are the parents of a 2 1/2 year old toddler, who in my opinion is a gift from God. We are European American (EA) and he is African American. We adopted Evan in a private adoption and are very open with his birth mother . . . How do I expose Evan to the African American culture when I can not figure out how it differs from my own culture . . . So what other kinds of things should I be doing in addition to the few things I feel I am doing. Am I just looking at this from the wrong point of view that I can't see these cultural differences? Or am I trying too hard to find something that isn't there? I truly don't want Evan to grow up ignorant of ideas and background he should have, but I don't know how to teach him. Thank you for any advice you can give.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A prospective adoptive parent writes:We are a European American family with three biological children . . . We would like to expand our family, and adoption has always been a possibility for us. What would it be like for a child of African descent to be the only non-white in our family of very fair-skinned, blond children? Would it be necessary to adopt more than one child? I did read that you, Michelle, thought your brother was the best gift your parents ever gave you. My only problem is that I don't know if I can have 5 kids and still be sane!
In your family of 5 kids, which is very similar to what our family would become, was there ever conflict between the two non-white, non-biological children and the other three white, biological children? Or do you become a family based on love across color lines? Is that an unrealistic ideal, or did it work in your case?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A prospective adoptive parent writes:My wife and I adopted a wonderful baby boy 16 months ago, and are in the process of trying to adopt a second child. Our current son has a very multicultural background . . . We have always assumed our next child should have fairly similar features to our son, to provide a connection and shared experiences . . . We will definitely be adopting a second child, but the emotional health of our son is the most important consideration. Having said all that, we don't want to close the door on any good opportunities because of our own misconceptions of child psychology. We would very much appreciate any guidance or opinions on what/if any effect adding a Caucasian child to our family may have on our son.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A prospective adoptive parent writes:We are putting considerable thought into issues in transracial adoption as we move forward on our adoption of children from China . . . Our question for you is about changing our family name. Our thought is to keep name we have now, and pass it to our children, like most families - symbolizing them becoming part of a larger family. But, we are also considering adding a Chinese name . . . There is obviously no way of knowing what would be best for our children. The best we can do is turn to you for your opinions based on your own experiences.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
My husband and I are white and we have two biological children. We became foster parents and are now pre-adoptive to our daughter, who is one year old and also African-American. She also has four older half-siblings who are in pre-adoptive situations. The birth mom is mildly retarded are we are friendly with her - we see each other every two weeks, but when parental rights are terminated, this will no longer be required. I wonder how much contact we should have with our daughter's birth family? I want her to feel secure with us, but I am comfortable with her having contact with her birth family, as long as it is positive and this is a tough part because there are many problems in this family.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A prospective adoptive parent writes:
A prospective parent writes:I am white, single and adopting three of my foster kids, one of whom is black. The other two are white half-brothers. I have many questions:
First-I read in a book about transracial adoption that I will have to prepare my son for discrimination and teach him how to respond. He is two years old now, but I would like to know what to tell him and his brothers about racism, discrimination, and how to respond.
Second-I have some books with black kids in them, but I wonder what recommendations you have for other books, toys, etc. that I should give the boys (I want all three of them to read the books and play with the toys)
Third-I read another parent's question where it was recommended that parents adopt a second black child. I'm not sure I can do this just yet, but I have been thinking about it.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
We live in a quiet middle class neighborhood that has people of all types of races. My husband and I are from different ethnic backgrounds. Our home has a mixed White and Japanese ethnicity, Christian and Buddhist culture, meat and vegetarian eating habits. We do not have children of our own and would like to adopt a child . . . My question is not about whether the boy will find any problems with the new ethnic, cultural, dietary lifestyle but whether it is the right thing to do, to expose the child to a diverse world just because he is put up for adoption. As adults, it was our choice to marry transculturally. But a young boy is not choosing this change but accepting this because he is in foster care and needs someone to adopt him.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A parent writes:
What are some of the reasons why blacks should not be adopted into white families, or are there any reasons?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A parent writes:
My husband and I are European American, our first adopted daughter is Russian American and our second is Mexican American. We have hopes of adopting an African American child.
Our neighborhood includes families of African, Asian and European descent, as does our older daughter's school. We plan to send all of our children to that school. We attend a church that is primarily European American but has several older members in prominent positions and a few young interracial married couples. Our social group is primarily composed of adoptive families the majority of whom are transracial and/or transcultural. The only problem is that all the parents in our social group are European American.
Do you think that will be an significant issue if all of Mommy and Daddy's friends are white? We open this question up to anyone who wants to reply. Thank you.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A parent writes:
A parent writes:It has recently been brought to my attention that the term "biracial" carries some stinging connotations and overtones within the African American community; specifically, that white parents are perceived as trying to claim superior status for their black/white children based on their white heritage. I had never realized before that the term was perceived to be exploitative and yet another example of White Privilege. I have used "biracial" when referring to my three children in the same context that was handed to me by our social workers:children born of one black and one white parent, clearly differentiating them from African American children (born of two black parents.)
Anyone have any comments? How should one refer to mixed race children so that the language does not cause resentment and hurt - either within the AA community or for the children themselves?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A parent writes:We are a Caucasian couple with one biological daughter who is 10 years old and one adopted African American daughter who is 9 months. Our question is this:should we adopt again so that our daughter won't be the only African American in our family?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A parent writes:Our mixed race 5 yr. old daughter was recently told by a friend that we are her pretend parents and that her real parents probably miss her. Our daughters response was mostly a stunned silence followed by nervous laughter. We tried to talk to her about this but she really was not interested, so we did not force it. She has always known that she is adopted. We are a white couple and also have a 3 yr. old son who is African-American. How should we best respond to the situation and what should we suggest our daughter say to others who may ask about her "real parents"?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A parent writes:My four year old adopted daughter is biracial. My partner and I are Caucasian. We just adopted another baby who is African American. We recently watched a Disney special on TV about Ruby Bridges (the first black girl who broke the segregation in schools in New Orleans). My 4 yr. old doesn't identify African American, she identifies Caucasian. What she got from the show is that African Americans hate Caucasians, and Caucasians hate African Americans. I thought that watching the show would be good for her in seeing a positive African American role model, but I feel that it left a very negative impression on her. Does anyone have any ideas on a good way to introduce positive models to a four year old who is both African American and Caucasian?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A parent writes:The other day my 6-year-old African American daughter, Tasha, floored me and I wonder if you have any ideas on how to handle this. Tasha was with Eileen, my 5 year old bio daughter (European American), at an after school activity. One of the other children asked how they could be sisters. They both chimed in that Tasha was adopted but that they were sisters because they love each other. The follow-up question was "What happened to your real mom and dad?" Tasha calmly looked up and said, "My black mommy and daddy are dead."
That pretty much ended the conversation, but it's not true that her "black mommy and daddy are dead"! I think this is her way of trying to feel more permanent in our family. (She had 5 foster homes before coming to us in December.) I'm not comfortable with lying to her, but I don't want to make her uncomfortable since she's been adjusting so well. Any ideas?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A parent writes:How would you raise a biracial child? My nephew is black/white. He lives with his father who is white but he is married into our Mexican/Native American family. What do you think regarding his awareness to the obvious color difference? Children at school are pointing it out to him now so I am concerned.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A parent writes:Is it possible to overemphasize our children's cultural heritage? Obviously, it is important to help our children develop strong identities. This includes their race/culture, but that is not the totality of who they are. Or am I just being naive here?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A parent writes:My husband and I have decided to adopt from Ethiopia and have been nothing but ecstatic and happy about our decision until people started making comments.
We live in Hong Kong, I am Caucasian, my husband is Hispanic. I expected that some people might find our decision a *little* shocking but have been surprised and disheartened by the people who have expressed a view to the effect that we would be doing the child a "disservice," especially as regards bringing them to Hong Kong. Friends have expressed the view that we would be subjecting our child to unnecessary racial discrimination.
I must admit that Hong Kong is not the most liberal of places as regards racial differences, but I am now concerned. Are we doing the right thing? It is very likely that our child would be the only African in his/her class and it might be difficult to find a community of African or even African Americans here in Hong Kong. Any comments on this subject would be MOST WELCOME!
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A parent writes:As an adoptive mom, when I see adults with children, I wonder who may be an adoptive parent. As adoptees, do you think you *know* who might be adopted? Do you wonder about it whenever you are in a group, or meet a new person? Do you gravitate toward that person, and feel more open to establishing a rapport with them?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A parent writes:Regarding the issue of calling brown kids "black," I don't know anything about the history of the term, but my black kids find it confusing, especially when they know Indian children with *darker* skin than my girls who are "brown" but not "black".
We told them that "black" is another word used for "African-American", so only kids whose ancestors (now there's an abstract concept for a preschooler) came from Africa are called "black". While they all know that they're "black", they identify much more with the term African-American. And they also know that "white" people are beige, not white. But whenever this issue comes up for discussion, they mention our Senegalese friend who really is "black" and their school friend who is albino, and really is "white".
What's the best way to help children understand the difference between what they see and what they're named?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
My daughter, Cynthia, is 5 and was born in Peru. She has very beautiful cinnamon-colored skin. Recently Cynthia has been talking a lot about her skin color. The other day we were watching "Arthur" on TV, and I commented that Arthur and his family all have cinnamon skin like hers. She seemed happy about that (Arthur is very popular at her school.), then she said, "They must all be adopted." I was taken aback.
I think Cynthia must have this image that darker skinned people are the only ones who can be adopted. We belong to an adoption support group for parents of South American kids. From her eyes it must seem like all the adopted kids are dark-skinned, and all the adults are light-skinned. This has made me resolve to find more role models and adults in our lives who are not white! I even have this fantasy of moving to Peru for a few years so Cynthia can see that there are places in the world where most people look like her. I guess I'm feeling a little guilty about putting my daughter in a world where she is bound to feel like the exception. Do you have any suggestions?
Read more & the experts' replies
A parent writes:
A parent writes:What are your opinions on ethnic characterizations such as kitchen mammies, lawn jockeys, and even Disney's Song of the South (which, incidentally, seems to have been erased from the archives!)? As the mother of an African-American son, I feel they are demeaning and worthless. What do you think--are they rubbish or Americana?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A parent writes:My husband and I, both white, are interested in adopting a biracial baby. We got a letter from the agency placing the child requesting a statement from us and a statement from the social worker who did our homestudy as to whether we would be suited for a biracial baby and also would our community be suited to a biracial baby.
Here is the situation. We live in a small town that is 99.5% Caucasian. Our social worker is African American. We discussed this with her and she felt that there are all ranges of biracial. How would anybody know the difference? Well, I don't want the child to feel like we have to "hide" their heritage. But at the same time, I don't want to set the child up for any problems. We would appreciate some help with this situation as we want to do the right thing by this baby.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
Does anyone feel like I do that society thinks that my African American baby will love me when he's a child, but when he's a grown up that he'd prefer to be with people who look like him? I think about this all the time and it makes me sad.
Read More & The Experts' Replies
A parent writes:
My husband and I are the blessed parents of two black children, now toddlers. My questions for you both are:Looking back on your childhood years, what do you wish your parents had done differently in raising you - if anything? And, what period of your growing up times was the most difficult for you, and why? How did you and your parents deal with these difficult periods? And, what kind of relationship do you both have with your parents now? What are your fondest childhood memories?
Read More & The Experts' Replies
