Siblings Split up by Foster Care
Commune at Camp

Seventy children have come to this woodsy refuge with red cabins, canoes, and typical camp fare.

But they aren't typical campers.

They are brothers and sisters who have been separated in the foster-care system. Some have not seen each other in months. Some mention moms in jail. Rehab. Court dates. Therapists.

Take Leeman, 13, who worries a lot about his 6-year old brother, Darnell. It's hard to keep explaining to him why they're not in the same foster home. Why their own mother can't take care of them. Why she doesn't visit." Darnell will say, "Where's our Mama?" And I tell him she's out in the street, doing drugs," Leeman said. "He doesn't cry. He doesn't say anything. He just looks down."

For a rare vacation this week, though, the boys get to live together at Camp Merry Heart in Hackettstown. They can swim, eat, play ball, and head to the showers at the end of a sweaty day.

At night, the two boys even sleep in the same bed. "I don't like him sleeping by himself without me " Leeman explained. "I never want him to be by himself without me."

The Division of Youth and Family Services started "sibling camp" last year to counter one of the harsh realities of foster care. Many children who are removed from abusive or negligent parents get wrenched away from their brothers and sisters, too.

In July, there were 6,291 children in foster care statewide, and 42 percent of siblings were placed in different foster homes. DYFS simply can't find enough foster families willing or able to take more than one or two children at a time.

Siblings in foster care are supposed to visit each other regularly, for a few hours every week or so. Case workers acknowledge, however, that they are often too busy to arrange frequent meetings, especially when the youngsters are placed far apart. Sometimes the children see each other only during supervised visits with their birth parents.

For some such youngsters, camp represents a precious opportunity to get together without a hovering social worker. Without a clock ticking. And without the temptation to compete with siblings to grab a parent's attention.

Instead, there's swimming, arts and crafts, and a tug of war.

Down at the pond one sunny morning, Leslie, 14, and her 11-year-old sister, Lisa, waited quietly for a turn in a kayak. They asked a counselor if they could please get in by themselves, without a grown-up. They got the OK, smiled, and put on life jackets. "We just want to be alone together," Leslie said.

For some children, the reunion was a bit uncomfortable. At lunchtime, Sade, 15, ate a turkey sandwich at a different table from her rowdier brothers, ages 13, 12, and 8.

Sade said the boys had changed during their year in foster care. "This is my first time seeing them in three months," she said. "One speaks Spanish now. One goes to church now. The other isn't bad anymore.... They're all all right ... I'm just not used to being with them."

Others seemed very close.

"When I saw my three brothers, they hugged me," said Rita, an 11-year-old with a mane of thin braids. "I like to hang around with them and make new friends." Eventually, she wants to go home. "I would like my mom to get her life together first," Rita said. "To stop drinking."

Brian, 12, and his 14-year-old half-sister, Soraya, have been in foster care for nine years. They said they started out together, but their foster mother couldn't handle Brian, who was hyperactive and aggressive. Now it's hard to see each other as often as they would like.

Their mother is in Brazil. They don't know about their fathers.

"I have no other family" than Brian, Soraya said. "We're both very talented."

"She's very smart," Brian said.

"He's very athletic," she replied.

"She taught me volleyball."

"If I knew back then that these visits were going to be only every other month, I would not have wanted him to leave...."

New Jersey's sibling camp is modeled on a Colorado program called Camp to Belong, started by a former foster child seven years ago. The camps are a result of the growing recognition among social workers, judges, and foster parents nationwide that it is crucial for brothers and sisters to maintain ties.

"Siblings can provide support, protection, and a sense of belonging," said Marvin Ventrell, director of the National Association of Counsel for Children. "We're more sensitized to the issue now. Whether that translates into actually keeping more siblings together is hard to say."

DYFS of officials say they try to keep siblings together, but many obstacles get in the way. Sometimes one child is too disabled, emotionally disturbed, or rebellious to stay in the same foster home as his siblings. Sometimes a relative will take in a child related by blood, but not the child's half-brother or half-sister.

DYFS sponsored two camps this summer: one week in Medford for the southern region, and the Hackettstown camp for the northern region, which includes Bergen, Passaic, Morris, Sussex, and Warren counties. The agency is paying $47,250 for the use of Camp Merry Heart, which is operated by Easter Seals New Jersey.

Camp staffers say they have been touched by the children's dedication to one another. Kathy Pross, a camp supervisor, said, "It's very sweet to see the older ones say, 'You have to have milk,' or 'You can't have that dessert until you eat your vegetables."'

On Saturday, the last day of camp, the foster families will come for a barbecue. They will also hear a child psychologist's lecture about the importance of sibling contact, in hopes that the foster parents will take the initiative to arrange more get-togethers.

Like campers everywhere who are about to leave the summer behind, some promised to call, write, and e-mail.

"I miss my brother a lot," said Soraya. "Family should be together. That's the way it's intended."

NewYork State Citizens' Coalition for Children, Inc.
Ithaca, NY 14850
607-272-0034 • fax 607-272-0035
office@nysccc.org
10/29/02