Surviving the Trauma
Presented
by Dee Paddock, Families with a Difference
NYS Citizens' Coalition for Children, Inc.
13th Annual Statewide Adoption Training Conference
Adoption 2002: Linking Promises to Possibilities
May 11, 2002 • Albany New York
SURVIVAL STRATEGIES FOR PARENTS
"A dozen times a day we face a choice: to maintain the
familiarity of what is - or what we pretend about what is -
or to open ourselves to change, to practice how we might let go and
see other possibilities."
(Christina Baldwin, Calling The Circle)
1. Don't assume that this child is
intentionally trying to manipulate you, to bomb a placement, or to
fail. Acknowledge other, real possibilities for this child's
struggles.
2. Honor this child's inconsistency. What she knew and could
comply with yesterday may not be accessible to her today without
our constant cues and reminders.
3. Be persistent with behavior modifications. What worked
yesterday may not work today. Try something new, inventive and
stimulating.
4. Don't stick with the "tried and true" to reach this child.
Be flexible, willing to modify the environment or the approach so
this child can heal and be successful.
5. Model positive, consistent attachments and connections in
your own life. Teach that occasional conflict may be a way to
deepen this relationship. Interacting with children who have been
traumatized is frustrating, stressful and scary. It is also
exhilarating, satisfying and joyful.
6. Don't listen to those who are consistently negative and
critical about this child. Surround yourself, and this child, with
a community of others like you, people who "get it." Use
networking as a survival skill.
7. Don't give up on this child. The challenges will seem
overwhelming and discouraging at times. Practice persistence and
consistently act on your belief that this child can heal and can
succeed.