Supporting Family Reunification through Successful Visits

Presented by: Jere Wrightsman, Center for Development of Human Services
NYS Citizens' Coalition for Children, Inc.
13th Annual Statewide Adoption Training Conference
Adoption 2002: Linking Promises to Possibilities
May 11, 2002 • Albany New York

Things Foster Parent Can Say
or Do to Support Successful Visits

 

BEFORE the Visit:

• Plan activities with child, parent, and caseworker that will be enjoyable and within capabilities of the family members.

• Call the parent to confirm plans and let them know how much the child is looking forward to the visit.

• Help the child identify worries and fears he has about the visit. ("What if mom comes late for the visit?")

• Elicit the child's idea of what the visit will be like and correct any misinformation. ("Only Dad will come this time; Mom is coming next time.")


DURING the Visit:

• Look for and point out family strengths. ("Charles is such a polite child. You did a great job of teaching him manners.")

• Reassure the parent that he or she cannot be replaced in the child's heart. ("Nobody in the whole world is more important to Tina than you.")

• Share and communicate evidence of the child's attachment to the parents. ("He spent all morning working on this picture for you.")

• Ask the parent to teach you how to do something that is important to the child. ("Can you show me how to braid her hair?")

• Share and model ways to meet the child's unique needs. ("I tried something new when he had a tantrum last night. ")

• Involve parents in decisions regarding the child's every day life. ("How much do you think Will should get for allowance? ")


AFTER the Visit:

• Talk to the child about what happened during the visit.

• Provide extra nurturing to the child.

• If the visit failed to take place as planned, clarify the child's understanding of what happened and correct any misinformation.

• Accept the child's feelings of anger and hurt and be prepared for these to be expressed behaviorally.

• Discuss with the child, parent, and caseworker ways to make the next visit more successful.

• Learn to recognize your own need for assistance and reassess your own limits for time, schedule and expertise. You must care for yourself if you are to care for others.

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5/20/02