Identity and Self-Esteem
Lifetime Implications In Adoption

Presented by Ken Watson
NYS Citizens' Coalition for Children, Inc.
13th Annual Statewide Adoption Training Conference
Adoption 2002: Linking Promises to Possibilities
May 10, 2002 • Albany New York

Handout #2: Self Esteem

Parents, pediatricians, and child development professionals have long wondered just how an infant masters the first psycho-social developmental step and becomes aware that he or she exists as a separate self in the world, and then begins to define who that separate self is.

• At the core of establishing one's identity is the belief that one has value.

• One's value, or self-esteem, is based on one's self image.

• Initially a child's self image reflects how he or she is viewed by others, and this process follows five childhood developmental steps.

-Affectual Interaction: Children first learn to value themselves as they are valued and loved.

-Safety and Protection: Even infants soon realize that they cannot meet their own needs and realize they rely on others for care and protection. If they are cared for and protected, they sense that someone must value them.

-Respect for Uniqueness: Children then wonder what they must do to keep on meriting such care. Self-esteem flourishes in those children who sense that it is not what they must do that makes them valuable; but that they are.

-Achievements: Love, security, and respect for their uniqueness are the foundation upon which children's achievements can be placed. This foundation, however, without real and recognized accomplishments does not fulfill its promise.

-Cognitive Dimension: When children develop the capacity for introspective thought they begin to integrate their impressions about what others think of them, what they see they have accomplished, what they know and think about themselves, and their hopes for what they can become.

Children who are adopted or placed in foster care suffer a damaging blow to the development of their self~esteem.

• All of them wonder what was wrong with them that the parents who gave them birth did want to keep them.

• During their early months or years many may not have had the consistent, affectual, interactive care that supports the normal development of self-esteem.

• Many may have experienced a history of changing caretakers that they interpret as a confirmation of their worthlessness.

A three step model to help children with low self esteem

•. First, deal with feelings.

Accept their feelings of inadequacy. Allow them their pain. They can only accept what they are if they are certain that those adults on whom they depend can accept what they are. Agree with their feelings, not the content they express.

• Second, build competence through encouraging genuine achievements.

Offer a task that lies within, but stretches, the child's capacity. Often honestly sharing such a task provides additional reinforcement.

• Finally, praise those real achievements.

Praise specific, real accomplishments promptly. Use the child's name when praising. Praise progressively to help children internalize their sense of success competence.

Kenneth W. Watson

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5/21/02