Identity and Self-Esteem
Lifetime Implications In Adoption

Presented by Ken Watson
13th Annual Statewide Adoption Training Conference
Adoption 2002: Linking Promises to Possibilities
May 10, 2002 • Albany New York

Handout #1: Identity

Developing a sense of personal identity means establishing boundaries around oneself as a unique part of the universe. It addresses ultimately unanswerable questions, such as: Who am I? Where did I come from? Where do I begin and end? What are my origins, my links to the past, my ties to others in my present? Who are my family? How am I like all other people and what makes me unique? Where do I belong&endash;both in the evolution of humans and in the here and now in which I live? At the heart of these questions lies the recognition and acceptance of one's worth. One only draws boundaries around that which one values.

The Four Critical Components of One's Identity

1. Genetic make-up and body image
Our body image influences the way we perceive the world and our relation to it. While science is making progress in altering the boundaries that our genes establish, the general outline of who we are and how we grow physically and mentally is structured genetically (such things as our gender, physical appearance, intelligence, vulnerability to certain illnesses, etc.), and finite limits to what we call our "selves" remain in place.

2. Family history
Biological families provide us, through our birth parents, not only with our genes, but our ancestors, a family history, and a cultural heritage that has accrued over the years. Others first acknowledge our existence by identifying us as a member of a certain family.

3. Meaningful connections.
Identity is shaped, too, by other people with whom we come in contact by chance and by the connections that we choose to make with them.

4. Self image.
The way we come to see ourselves, and the value that we attach to what we see, ultimately serves as the core of our identity.

Impact of Adoption on the Developing Identity

1. Those who are adopted may not know their genetic backgrounds or may have inaccurate information about them. The issue of their perceived abandonment by their birth parents may lead adopted persons to be uneasy about their genetic heritage.

2. An adopted person's genetic family history may also be unknown or distorted; but even when an adoption is open, the task of incorporating the various strands of family history is vastly more complicated.

3. Many children who are adopted, because of their pre-adoptive histories may not have had the opportunity to learn how to establish trusting relationships.

4. It is more difficult for adopted people to feel good about themselves, and a damaged self-image is a weak core upon which to build a healthy identity.

Some Steps to Helping Adopted Children Build Healthy Identities

1. Enhance self-esteem

2. Share honestly all known family and individual histories, and seek opportunities to integrate them (using things such as life books, letters, photos, and direct contacts).

3. Reinforce an adoptive family non-possessive commitment

4. Model trust and consistency

5. Seek, respect, and support individual character traits, talents, and interests

Kenneth W. Watson

5/21/02