Supporting Family Unification Through Successful Visits

Presented by Jere Wrightsman, Center for Development of Human Services
NYS Citizens' Coalition for Children, Inc.
13th Annual Statewide Adoption Training Conference
Adoption 2002: Linking Promises to Possibilities
May 11, 2002 • Albany New York  

 

IDENTIFYING FEELINGS AND NEEDS IN VISITS 

 

THE PARENT

Behaviors	Feelings	Needs
Miss visits or arrive late to visits	Shame and guilt about losing the child	Understand and prepare for their feelings and the children's feelings about visits
Make promises to the child that cannot be kept	Overwhelmed by new responsibilities	Know the importance of visit to the child
Display anger and hostility toward foster parents	Hopeless and powerless	Know that they will not be replaced as parents
Sabotage the child's relationship with foster parents	Sad about leaving the child behind	Learn how to successfully identify and meet the child's needs
Ignore child or interact inappropriately with child	Self-conscious and worried about being evaluated	Support, encouragement and validation of progress
	Discouraged about the lack of progress

THE CHILD

Behaviors	Feelings	Needs
Cries when it's time to go home	Confused about shy he cannot go home	Foster parent to help them understand and prepare for their feelings about visits
Misbehaves and disobeys before, during or after visit	Angry, sad and confused about being separated and having no control	Information regarding the visit: who will be there, what will happen afterwards?
Reluctant to interact with parents during the visit	Angry about the prior abuse/neglect	Know it's okay to show love and affection for both sets of parents
Regressive behavior before, during and after visit (bedwetting, tantrums, nightmares)	Abandoned by family	Contact with parents between the visits
Says he doesn't want to visit his family	Worried about being disloyal to his family by liking the foster family	Increase in frequency or length of visits
	Defensive about criticism he senses of his family

THE FOSTER PARENT

Behaviors	Feelings	Needs
Wish to stop visits or reduce frequency of visits	Overwhelmed with foster parenting responsibilities and schedule	Work in partnership with agency and parents to agree on a schedule that works for everyone
Habitually arrive late or cancel visits	Unsure about their role in visits	Talk to caseworker and parents about the child's behavior
Avoid contact with the child's family	Resentful about having to deal with the child's reactions to visits	Be prepared for the child's reactions to visits and plan possible responses
	Upset and angry about parent's missed visits	Be aware of own feelings about visits
	Angry about prior abuse/neglect	Support, encouragement and validation
	Worried about the child's safety in visits

6/21/02