WORKSHOP OUTLINE
"It's so hard, this parenting project. Every kid is different, every parent is different, and the boxes we're permitted so confining. Every difference diagnosed; every variation a treatment problem. And in spite of it all, parents do muddle through, and children do grow, unfold, become their own true selves, as we reach towards and finally to them." Barbara Katz Rothman
"When two great forces collide, the victory will go to the one that knows how to yield. The idea is that a fluid substance, like water, may seem to give in to a rigid substance like stone - but in the end it is the water that shapes the stone, and not the other way around." Chinese Philosophy
1. REENACTMENT:
Action:
To provoke parent to act-out the original trauma drama (i.e., rejection, abandonment, rage, abuse, terror).
Goal:
To create an external environment of tension, chaos, fear and rejection that mirrors the child's internal state.
Reaction:
Parent refuses to participate in reenacting trauma drama.
Parent takes time out, calls in help, resources and support.
Rules and boundaries are restated and remain in place.2. SPLITTING
Action:
To provoke conflict between any adults who have authority over the child (i.e., parenting partners, single parent and teacher, parent and childcare provider, parent and social worker, etc.).
Goal:
To gain power and control over the adults; to create chaos, fear and rage within important relationships; to create a Disruption Threat.
Reaction:
The adults refuse to participate in splitting behaviors and focus on communication with and support of one another.
The adult relationships are protected, supported and nurtured.3. THE DISRUPTION THREAT:
Action:
To provoke rejecting response from the adult: "Either she goes or I go."
Goal:
To gain control over fears of loss and abandonment by causing disruption and chaos that may lead to loss and abandonment.
Reaction:
Parent temporarily steps back emotionally - away from the parent role and into the caretaker role.
Parent refuses to reenact relationship disruption.
Rules, boundaries and permanence are restated and remain in place.4. LYING:
Action:
To provoke struggles around power, trust and control.
Goal:
Perfectionism, secrecy, disconnection = CONTROL.
Reaction:
Parents are honest in their lives and relationships.
Parents don't stoop to moralizing and righteousness.
Rules, boundaries, consequences and permanence are restated and remain in place.5. STEALING:
Action:
To provoke struggles around power, trust and control.
Goal:
Self-parenting, secrecy, disconnection = CONTROL.
Reaction:
Parents are honest in their lives and relationships.
Parents don't stoop to moralizing and righteousness.
Rules, boundaries, consequences and permanence are restated and remain in place.